◀ go back

a lot has happened since my last blog post... there's been some bumps in the road to put it at that. life drama aside, i can't believe it's already nearing the end of 2022. it feels like yesterday that i typed up my first proper blog post just a few days before i had a new years to remember with my friends from back home. and maybe we'll have another one too - i'm back in my hometown for winter break and i'd never thought i'd say this but i've actually been a bit homesick. not necessarily for my crazy family (ugh), but moreso for my friends from back home who i've known for a whiiile. we've been making plans so it'll be nice to catch up with them again. i've missed them dearly. also completely unrelated but my absolutely horrible spending habits have led me to purchase this.

its the qin f22, the updated (and bigger) version of the qin f21. i finally took the plunge on purchasing a sort of hybrid smartphone/dumbphone in this form factor because i want to sort of start taking this digital detox thing a bit more seriously plus it looks awesome plus i got a good(ish) deal (thanks random reddit dude). review and tweaking writeup will come soon when i mess with this because apparently it is a fucking DOOZY when it comes to software and whatever the hell resellers in china and random dudes on 4pda or xda or god knows have been slapping onto it.

oh yeah life drama. so my main college friend group ended up completely cutting me off. fun. in retrospect it was for some stuff that was kinda justifiable (i could write an entire post about it, but i respect their privacy and i really don't want to air my dirty laundry out to the world) but it sent me down a long path of thought and honestly if anything i just wish they'd tell me exactly what the hell i did wrong. aside from the obvious i'm never really too sure when it comes to these things. i kind of feel bad knowing that i'm a bit bad with picking up stuff and kind of have to be told what i did wrong but i really just worry a lot if i fucked something up without being fully aware of it or some shit. i don't think i'll ever fully figure it out since these former friends completely burned bridges with me (plus i sent one of The Guys a message and he never replied lol) but all i can really do from here is move on and better myself. this definitely isn't the only Big Relationship Turmoil i've had in my life and it's far from the last, but it's all just learning experiences as i go. i'm just done with these people and dwelling on dumb drama and i'm just going to move the fuck on.

on the topic of thinking, i've also just...got a lot on my plate that i still need to work on in the future. goal stuff. not necessarily dumb drama social skills related but other shit. study habits are something i lack a lot of so i definitely want to make it a goal to be more productive. can't almost flunk again. need to job hunt again too. and need to get a therapist or something maybe. hopefully i find one that doesn't murder my wallet and covers my insurance. also hobbies.... i really want to pursue drawing and piano again. i actually tried doing some sketching a few weeks ago and kind of surprised myself with my own artistic abilities in that regard. it's definitely something i need to practice more, but sometimes i struggle with the motivation. especially seeing the shitty side before you see the good side and being really hard on myself in that regard - it's a mentality i've struggled with for a while. sometimes i have to tell my brain i can't be instantly good at something lol. but whatever. i'll keep practicing on my own time. shit's rewarding. i also want to start taking my photography hobby a bit more seriously - i've got a lot of photo spots in mind and i might ask my mom if i can steal her dslr because she literally never uses it. it'll be a fun change of pace for me from just snapping pics on whatever phone i have on me. i mean i figure i should probably have some more experience working with standalone cameras rather than barely ever working with them (also if anyone has camera recommendations that wont murder my wallet even more pleeeeease let me know haha). also god i need to fuckin travel the world. might be really ambitious (and fucking hell travel is so expensive) but i've got a long time so it's definitely not impossible. or maybe i've just been watching too many travel videos and reading too much stuff regarding that shit.
man i say so much and never actually do. when will it change? god knows. but i honestly think that just experiencing fuck all for changes in my life has pushed me to venture outside my comfort zone just a bit more. and it's definitely a start..


okay little side note: on the topic of travel, i've enjoyed reading the travel logs of hundred rabbits, an artist collective of two that live, travel, and work on their sailboat. their stuff is incredibly impressive, and a bit inspiring too - i'd die to be able to travel freely while creating stuff i love. maybe not sailing on a boat (lord knows what would happen to me), but via other methods.